Woken up on the wrong side of the bed today. I didn't get much sleep as I had to get up for the loo a few times, then i had a nightmare about my legs getting so fat that the skin was over lapping. When i got dressed my tracksuit bottoms were too tight.
I know that its inevitable that i am going to put on weight, but having never been fat in my life I am finding it a little difficult to come to terms with. I knew this was going to be a problem when i got pregnant, as my body has always been an important thing in my life, i have always weighed 60ish kg and always had a six pack. It not just that, my strength has gone, i can barley hold my body on the pole, so i know that i will have to give up advanced teaching sooner than i expected, as i am scared about falling.
I know the last two paragraphs have all been me,me,me, but believe it or not i am really happy about having a baby, I am scared that i am not going to do it right or that i am not going to cope, I am afraid that some thing is going to go wrong or even more silly that my partner will leave me and i Will be a single parent(he is the best so thats why i think its silly to think that), not that there is any thing wrong with being a single parent but i don't want my child to have to deal with what my mum did.
The scan i had last Friday was unbelievable, i had obviously never seen one before, so i couldn't believe how clear it was, the baby was jumping around all over the place, which made it so real, which in turn made me panic that i am not eating the right things, or doing the right things, at this rate i am going to have a nervous break down!
I go away this weekend to Holland and then to Singapore on Tuesday, i am worried that i am going to disappoint all the people that have taken the time to come and see me, I am always worried about that, i just hope that feeling weak will be a problem and i am really hoping i don't fall off the pole.
God, I hope i can still teach pole dancing after i have had this baby!
I am going to try and keep up to date with this blog, to be honest I hope no one reads it or if they do I hope they understand what the hell i have written and don't take it the wrong way.
I know that its inevitable that i am going to put on weight, but having never been fat in my life I am finding it a little difficult to come to terms with. I knew this was going to be a problem when i got pregnant, as my body has always been an important thing in my life, i have always weighed 60ish kg and always had a six pack. It not just that, my strength has gone, i can barley hold my body on the pole, so i know that i will have to give up advanced teaching sooner than i expected, as i am scared about falling.
I know the last two paragraphs have all been me,me,me, but believe it or not i am really happy about having a baby, I am scared that i am not going to do it right or that i am not going to cope, I am afraid that some thing is going to go wrong or even more silly that my partner will leave me and i Will be a single parent(he is the best so thats why i think its silly to think that), not that there is any thing wrong with being a single parent but i don't want my child to have to deal with what my mum did.
The scan i had last Friday was unbelievable, i had obviously never seen one before, so i couldn't believe how clear it was, the baby was jumping around all over the place, which made it so real, which in turn made me panic that i am not eating the right things, or doing the right things, at this rate i am going to have a nervous break down!
I go away this weekend to Holland and then to Singapore on Tuesday, i am worried that i am going to disappoint all the people that have taken the time to come and see me, I am always worried about that, i just hope that feeling weak will be a problem and i am really hoping i don't fall off the pole.
God, I hope i can still teach pole dancing after i have had this baby!
I am going to try and keep up to date with this blog, to be honest I hope no one reads it or if they do I hope they understand what the hell i have written and don't take it the wrong way.
